ROOM 101, let off your steam

why cakes?

cakes are nice

it's an early reference from T (the thought police) B to the use of the word cunt. I mean cake.

wooo wooo

hold it RIGHT THERE buster.


We don't use the C word on here!


Cake is fattening and overly tempting. So I don't want to hear it again.


got it?

ahhh i see now

i just thought it was some strange london thing

like jellied eels and the accent

ford focus back wheel

because of the following:

i get a phone from a female friend of mine, who's got a puncture in one of her tyres, and shes a bit upset, because of said incident, can i help

so of i go to the ncp on woodhouse lane like the returning hero of old, and meet her and raise her spirits that the tyre will be changed and she'll be able to get home after a long day at work.

i get the requistie tools out, jack the car up, take off all the locking nuts in less then 10 mins, its a breeze i think, all done in 20 and all will be right in the world.

now readers this is where it gets bad, the said wheel will not budge, not one inch, no matter how hard i try and remove it, its stuck fast like a 5 year olds teeth whos just eaten an highland toffee bar. after 10 mins of trying it gets darker, i have to read the manual to see if im doing anything wrong, which im not.

after a further 10 mins trying my friend has to ring the aa to come and do the job, a man is dispatched to us, but all is not well defeated by a wheel, that most simplest of inventions by the caveman, modern man defeated by uggg the unwashed.

so 5 mins before aa man gets there and laughs at me while he changes the tyre, i slink off like a hyena who isnt gonna get any giraffe from mr lion, and hand my manhood membership card in at the office for a) not being able to change a tyre and b) reading a manual.

wookie wrote:after a further 10 mins trying my friend has to ring the aa to come and do the job, a man is dispatched to us, but all is not well defeated by a wheel, that most simplest of inventions by the caveman, modern man defeated by uggg the unwashed.

You should have ripped the AA man's arms off, Wookie.

id gone by that point, didnt want him to laugh derisory at me, like all mechanically gifted people do to people who cant do simple engineering tasks.


a footnote to this story is that, the alloy of the wheel had rusted onto the brakedrum, and even the aa man had trouble getting it off, and said to my friend if i had changed the wheel, the spare would of fallen off because of the rust.

The owner of the business that i work for came back from a rather opulent two week holiday and called a meeting with my general manager. In this meeting he declared that he wanted 'to streamline the business' and that the GM should make one out of four of us redundant - voluntarily if possible.

What's making me mad about this is....
We're breaking our own records month after month
We've never been so profitable and the recession if anything has helped us
He's never made so much money in his life
He doesn't work within the business any more and hasn't a clue of how it works
We all thought we were about to get pay-rises
We've all worked with and for him for years (7 in my case)and expected that we'd be looked after once the business was doing well.

I'm going to take the redundancy. The others on the list have dependants and would have more trouble getting back into work. Also I need a change and it's not a bad payout but I'm still livid. My payout would be the largest out of all of the four of us and i rather like that too.

'Streamline the business' indeed - kiss my arse you tosser. The business will suffer - I will make sure of it.

wookie wrote:ford focus back wheel

because of the following:

i get a phone from a female friend of mine, who's got a puncture in one of her tyres, and shes a bit upset, because of said incident, can i help

so of i go to the ncp on woodhouse lane like the returning hero of old, and meet her and raise her spirits that the tyre will be changed and she'll be able to get home after a long day at work.

i get the requistie tools out, jack the car up, take off all the locking nuts in less then 10 mins, its a breeze i think, all done in 20 and all will be right in the world.

now readers this is where it gets bad, the said wheel will not budge, not one inch, no matter how hard i try and remove it, its stuck fast like a 5 year olds teeth whos just eaten an highland toffee bar. after 10 mins of trying it gets darker, i have to read the manual to see if im doing anything wrong, which im not.

after a further 10 mins trying my friend has to ring the aa to come and do the job, a man is dispatched to us, but all is not well defeated by a wheel, that most simplest of inventions by the caveman, modern man defeated by uggg the unwashed.

so 5 mins before aa man gets there and laughs at me while he changes the tyre, i slink off like a hyena who isnt gonna get any giraffe from mr lion, and hand my manhood membership card in at the office for a) not being able to change a tyre and b) reading a manual.

main thing is... was it the lady you are woo(k)ing? or just another damsel?

shAdy wrote:The owner of the business that i work for came back from a rather opulent two week holiday and called a meeting with my general manager. In this meeting he declared that he wanted 'to streamline the business' and that the GM should make one out of four of us redundant - voluntarily if possible.

What's making me mad about this is....
We're breaking our own records month after month
We've never been so profitable and the recession if anything has helped us
He's never made so much money in his life
He doesn't work within the business any more and hasn't a clue of how it works
We all thought we were about to get pay-rises
We've all worked with and for him for years (7 in my case)and expected that we'd be looked after once the business was doing well.

I'm going to take the redundancy. The others on the list have dependants and would have more trouble getting back into work. Also I need a change and it's not a bad payout but I'm still livid. My payout would be the largest out of all of the four of us and i rather like that too.

'Streamline the business' indeed - kiss my arse you tosser. The business will suffer - I will make sure of it.

Sounds like a positive mate... don't waste time on thinking one more thought about them.... forge ahead.


I prescribe a holiday first.


I'm not a real doctor.

Sherrers wrote:

wookie wrote:ford focus back wheel

because of the following:

i get a phone from a female friend of mine, who's got a puncture in one of her tyres, and shes a bit upset, because of said incident, can i help

so of i go to the ncp on woodhouse lane like the returning hero of old, and meet her and raise her spirits that the tyre will be changed and she'll be able to get home after a long day at work.

i get the requistie tools out, jack the car up, take off all the locking nuts in less then 10 mins, its a breeze i think, all done in 20 and all will be right in the world.

now readers this is where it gets bad, the said wheel will not budge, not one inch, no matter how hard i try and remove it, its stuck fast like a 5 year olds teeth whos just eaten an highland toffee bar. after 10 mins of trying it gets darker, i have to read the manual to see if im doing anything wrong, which im not.

after a further 10 mins trying my friend has to ring the aa to come and do the job, a man is dispatched to us, but all is not well defeated by a wheel, that most simplest of inventions by the caveman, modern man defeated by uggg the unwashed.

so 5 mins before aa man gets there and laughs at me while he changes the tyre, i slink off like a hyena who isnt gonna get any giraffe from mr lion, and hand my manhood membership card in at the office for a) not being able to change a tyre and b) reading a manual.

main thing is... was it the lady you are woo(k)ing? or just another damsel?

just another damsel mate

the lady im trying to woo, is back home in richmond north yorkshire

ah!

then it's just your caveman manliness that is bruised. No harm done

I'd write a letter to Ford saying they ruined your rep and you want a car to get your manliness back, you twats.

But nicer.

did the "damsel" not

A. Call the AA in the first place because she thought she'd be embarrassed she couldn't change a tyre.

B. Tried and failed to change it herself.

C. Call you because you were nearby or because you are "handy"

?

I think I'm asking why she couldn't have fucked it all up on her own

Token Bird wrote:did the "damsel" not

A. Call the AA in the first place because she thought she'd be embarrassed she couldn't change a tyre.

B. Tried and failed to change it herself.

C. Call you because you were nearby or because you are "handy"

?

I think I'm asking why she couldn't have fucked it all up on her own

the simple answer i dont know, she just panicked, was getting stressed and emotional, and i happend to be close who could go lend a hand and raise her spirits a bit

Sherrers wrote:ah!

then it's just your caveman manliness that is bruised. No harm done

I'd write a letter to Ford saying they ruined your rep and you want a car to get your manliness back, you twats.

But nicer.

dear henry

your focus back wheels are shit and dead hard to get off infront of a girl

for recompense, i want a car or you and steve jobs are gonna get it

signed

an angry wookie

Am i right in thinking this was done in work time Wookie ie: whilst the council were paying you?

Nevermind changing ladies tyres, get some of them bloody bins emptied.

She better have been fit.

alas no mate, it was done on my own time

but the previous two hours before i left, the computers had crashed, so i was being paid to read my book

if that makes you feel better

Grrr!

It's a good job i fall under the Wakefield council bracket.

Yeah, because they are so good aren't they!

our it department is a set of monkeys that live in a cave

im surprised it even works at all

wookie wrote:our it department is a set of monkeys that live in a cave

im surprised it even works at all

Cave Monkey dept!

like it.

council corner

Ye Olde Rog wrote:council corner

now now rog, meals on wheels will be round soon

he needs a bed wash and his bag changing too.

Councils are weird things to me. Never had anything to do with them cos I've moved around so much. I always take my own rubbish to the tip and in Ibiza the roads were so shit I just got used to cars having shattered axles and that. Although if i had to have a top council of cakes it would be Westminster. Who are the biggest cakes in the country.

Sherrers wrote:he needs a bed wash and his bag changing too.

Councils are weird things to me. Never had anything to do with them cos I've moved around so much. I always take my own rubbish to the tip and in Ibiza the roads were so shit I just got used to cars having shattered axles and that. Although if i had to have a top council of cakes it would be Westminster. Who are the biggest cakes in the country.

Brilliant.

I hate being at the end of my week off and eastenders. (again)

Bishop wrote:

Sherrers wrote:he needs a bed wash and his bag changing too.

Councils are weird things to me. Never had anything to do with them cos I've moved around so much. I always take my own rubbish to the tip and in Ibiza the roads were so shit I just got used to cars having shattered axles and that. Although if i had to have a top council of cakes it would be Westminster. Who are the biggest cakes in the country.

Brilliant.

I hate being at the end of my week off and eastenders. (again)

Does Mrs Bishop make you watch it?

I realised I would never have a proper relationship again because of Soap Operas. Or was it America's Top Model? Something like that. Just as well most of my exes were too scared to put Big Brother on. I have a particular dirty look for people who watch that. I have a particular shallow grave for those who try talk about it to me.

Sherrers wrote:

Bishop wrote:

Sherrers wrote:he needs a bed wash and his bag changing too.

Councils are weird things to me. Never had anything to do with them cos I've moved around so much. I always take my own rubbish to the tip and in Ibiza the roads were so shit I just got used to cars having shattered axles and that. Although if i had to have a top council of cakes it would be Westminster. Who are the biggest cakes in the country.

Brilliant.

I hate being at the end of my week off and eastenders. (again)

Does Mrs Bishop make you watch it?

I realised I would never have a proper relationship again because of Soap Operas. Or was it America's Top Model? Something like that. Just as well most of my exes were too scared to put Big Brother on. I have a particular dirty look for people who watch that. I have a particular shallow grave for those who try talk about it to me.

Yes mate she does. And threatens with untold violence if i dont watch it with her.

Thankfully its the only soap I have to watch.

forced soap action is a cleansing ritual that all males have to endure if they are to survive.

Sherrers wrote:he needs a bed wash and his bag changing too.

Councils are weird things to me. Never had anything to do with them cos I've moved around so much. I always take my own rubbish to the tip and in Ibiza the roads were so shit I just got used to cars having shattered axles and that. Although if i had to have a top council of cakes it would be Westminster. Who are the biggest cakes in the country.

I have to take full advantage of my pension. You will too.


Sherrers has no concept of reality at all. He thinks a pint of milk is thruppence ha-penny and comes in bottles and riding a penny farthing on a public highway is punishable by deportation to the colonies.

Even I know more about television than him.

He makes me switch it off if he visits.

Nazi.

hang on..


didn't you split up with an ex because she made you watch america's top model?

Ye Olde Rog wrote:hang on..


didn't you split up with an ex because she made you watch america's top model?

"Feathers? Pose with a rock."

"you do not have a 'fresh' face"

is my fave bit