Wookie's World of the Criminally Mundane

If we were clever, proper nerds one of us would knock up an amusing Bennett-o-tron to convert text into a dull Yorkshire monologue.

But we are rubbish.

I got my tuxedo, £51, and the lady in the shop is even letting me pick it up a day early.

I have dropped a waist/collar size since my wedding.

Sherrers wrote:haha it does really work if you read all the posts in an alan bennett voice

ha har

That is my new fave thing evah

I imagine most of the populace here haven't a clue who he is.

I'm struggling to find a low calorie alternative to tuna to bulk up my daily lunch salad. I don't like any other fish.

Someone has been stealing my extra light mayonnaise. I really don't want to have to stoop to the point of putting my initials on the bottle.

I've put a new picture up in my office. I used a spirit level and everything. I'm very proud of how central and straight it looks.

I've spotted a nice print that would go well next to it, but I'm concerned I may not get it as straight and it would end up looking rubbish.

Ye Olde Rog wrote:I imagine most of the populace here haven't a clue who he is.

wrong again granpa

I've got my script for the awards dinner I'm attending tomorrow evening.

All I have to say is '..and the winner of the Dow sponsored reputation award is ....'

I'm most disappointed.

Fandango Widewheels wrote:I've got my script for the awards dinner I'm attending tomorrow evening.

All I have to say is '..and the winner of the Dow sponsored reputation award is ....'

I'm most disappointed.

Eat your heart out Billy Crystal.

A policeman called me a twat last night.

I've brought some jalapeno's with me to spice up my lunchtime salad.

The vegetarian menu for the dinner tonight looks better than the carnivores. I might go veggie.

Fandango Widewheels wrote:A policeman called me a twat last night.

I've brought some jalapeno's with me to spice up my lunchtime salad.

The vegetarian menu for the dinner tonight looks better than the carnivores. I might go veggie.

Elaborate.

I've been called Gus on 2 seperate occasions by different clients at work in the space of 2 weeks. How strange.

I negotiated a roundabout at 50mph, which was actually 10mph less than the posted speed limit. Because he couldn't keep up with me in his Skoda he pulled me over and told me I drive like a twat.

Broadhead wrote:I've been called Gus on 2 seperate occasions by different clients at work in the space of 2 weeks. How strange.

New forum nickname.

oh God it's Gus n Twat

its a new sitcom on bbc1

tory twat and gus

I feel i've got off the lighter of the two with the nicknames.

Yeah, that's just great. I get to be 'twat'.

Broadhead wrote:I feel i've got off the lighter of the two with the nicknames.

oh do shush Gus Grannybummer

T.B wrote:

Broadhead wrote:I feel i've got off the lighter of the two with the nicknames.

oh do shush Gus Grannybummer

Do you ever think you should have just kept quiet? Actually, i'm sure you all think that quite often

T.B wrote:

Broadhead wrote:I feel i've got off the lighter of the two with the nicknames.

oh do shush Gus Grannybummer

I'll stick with twat thanks

1. Some kids in the corner shop asked me how much some chews were. Mum said sorry it was due to my having a "shopkeepers moustache"

2. I went through a period in the late 80's of only eating cream cheese and salmon bagels. Kosher!

3. I got given a cracking fake Breitling from Rimini.

4. I've got my first suntan in many many years. You can't hide from the sun on a boat.

5. You can instantly spot how fake a watch is by the motion of the second hand. It should move fluidly not tick.

6. I've got my Mojo back.

7. I bought a cover for my car as all the tree sap is playing bloody havoc with the finish.

8. My frankly large DVD collection is verging on being totally obsolete. Welcome to the club fellas.

9. Tesco sugar free Hi-juice. ~It's Ribena...only way cheaper

10. I met the British Vice Consul in Ibiza. Lovely chap!

T.B wrote:

Broadhead wrote:I feel i've got off the lighter of the two with the nicknames.

oh do shush Gus Grannybummer

whoa!

stop the press.

Today I am wearing monogrammed collar stiffeners.

hahahaaa


if the 'monogram' is LEFT & RIGHT subtract a million points

Don't be silly. There's no difference between left and right

Here is one of them. I actually have a whole set, for different sized collars. They're stored in a nice leather bound presentation case

My name is a bit feint but you can just about see it.

The CMD got me them for my birthday as the plastic ones you get with shirts are crap (too flexible) and you lose them.

I love you

Not a proper monogram sorry!