Pimpers' Total Tool Test

that craft!

what craft?

Swallow is well known for his careful craftsmanship and conceptual ideas in his works in relation to the contemporary society. His works are described as models, miniatures, replicas, copies, dioramas, homages, mementos, monuments and simulacra.

scarlet pimpernel wrote:that is some amazing work


is it art or is crafts tho???

craftily artistic

Yes!!!

Knows what to do with his wood, Does Swallow!

Witch craft?

If it's predominantly figurative I'd say craft.



I am trying to be funny I fully realise I look like a twat.


It's an act! it really is. I am not a twat. Not all the time.

what is figurative art then?

I could only take a wild stab at this one. Lots of figures so I would imagine spread sheets are right up there.

Though a more realistic answer would suggest. Figurative art is more representational of real form blah de blah de blah!

(This track is ace! The one in my head coming from my bins! 'azul magico' by itzone.)

figurative art is a literal representation though sometimes abstract in concept! You could argue some abstract art is figurative when it's clearly not! As long as you sound like a twat and it makes nosense but make sure to use a language that dumbfounds your audience !!? Pick up an art journal if you get the chance! Art monthly is a good one! A spagboll of bollocks! But mighty fine bollocks!

No fuckit. Figuratve art is naked women or porn! I'm not being sexist either. I'm just not accustomed to naked men so they would fit in the abstract bracket. I guess???

Go figure!

Also in attempt to sound hysterical, failling miraculously managing to make myself out to be a monumentous twat!

Or more fitting to the thread a 'total tool' No photos available!!

It's contagious

yeah but no but I was pretending tho

Gentlemen, start your engines!


Spring has sprung and some of the newbies won't be aware of our gardening thing.


I am looking in hope and trepidation at my patch.


First order... one of these :

And you can stray away from my Daffodils with that! It being my birthday and all!

Feeling younger than 5 years ago aslo or would that be my World Class Woman!?! Mmm...

Happy St David's Day on top of that!

Oh yeah! My trusty trowel is sufficient for now.

Al wrote:Gentlemen, start your engines!


Spring has sprung and some of the newbies won't be aware of our gardening thing.


I am looking in hope and trepidation at my patch.


First order... one of these :

Is your teeny tiny garden like mine and so derelict after winter you may as well till the bastard into ruts and start again?

Mine is all ready to rock!

Gardening isn't just for clement weather you bloody amateurs!

The Parang Machete, during my time in Borneo I was given one. It is a tool that we used for everything.

this week Roger is going to start work on his garden in earnest...

I will have them french bastards!

I just look at my garden and think...

where to start!!?

Al wrote:I just look at my garden and think...

where to start!!?

Yellow pages under 'gardening services'.

Al wrote:I just look at my garden and think...

where to start!!?

Is yours not doing it's spring display mate? it happens without any cultivation in most gardens.

Mine is sprouting like a bastard!

My garden is wank. I need a new one.

I am currently part way through a plot to get the current Mrs Devaney into gardening which would leave me free for other important activities. I even bought her a shiny new flymo.

So far the results are:

Leaves raked from grass and disposed of.

Not sure if my plan has worked yet. Time will tell.

tools for girls that are not dildos

the mind boggles

you are such a new man Mark

She's more into tools than I am. Every time there is a job to do in the house I am marched down to B&Q to purchase the correct tool for the job. I have loads of implements that have only been used once and are unlikely to ever be used again.

Bishop wrote:My garden is wank. I need a new one.

soz but that just got me in the guts

scarlet pimpernel wrote:

Bishop wrote:My garden is wank. I need a new one.

soz but that just got me in the guts

I was promised a new one last year, but my father has yet to deliver it. I may remind him now he is getting better. He will no doubt in turn remind the neighbour who i pushed in the canal (see mundane thread) that he also promised to help deliver it.

The Pontius Pilate of gardening.

Except he has dirty hands.

Why is mine a hideous wasteland??