Timbo's Terrible Tales

unknown wrote:Well James Bond

Random

How come we still haven't heard about Rog's crash?

I've been waiting all weekend. Please spill the beans.

Our handsome elderly amigo is stationary at a junction.

So a lady barrels into him and he is a bit shook up, gets out of the car and she is trying to re-start her engine...

"oho!" thinks our hero! She is trying to leg it. Now a normal human would be attempting to memorise the plate at this point. However Rog's feats of memory tend to extend to his name and to breathe at semi regular intervals. This is a man who left our afterparty with a list of things to get from the garage, forgot where the garage was, got lost, forgot why he was even in the car so he went home. And got lost on the way. By the time he was home he'd forgot he had been with us and went to bed. He remembered his task 48 hours later. He still has the cigs and mixers money BTW

He does flap easy in a tight spot however. So remembering he has the world's worst memory he started looking for a pen. He'd forgotten where it was.... so bear in mind this woman is now in the process of driving off.

Rog finds a pen in the glovebox. But can't find any paper. Now a homo-sapien would maybe write on their hand. Not Rog. The only stationary is his car.

So he tries to write on a banana.

A banana.

So he's cursing and leaping about stabbing a banana with a biro as the woman speeds off.


Then he notices that one of the reasons he couldn't get a fix on the plate is 'cos it fell off in the crash. Her numberplate is in the road about 2 yards away.

So you'd think this was the end of it.


No.

"aha!" exclaims Rog. Problem solved. What a stroke of luck. Banana discarded.


So he goes to get the plate off the road.


Just as a car of kids pull up, open the door, grab the plate and speed off.


For no reason on earth other than things like that simply only happen to Rog. He is special.
















Thing is... he actually went to both the police AND insurance with that tale. All of it. Nothing left out. Two organisations not famous for enjoying an amusing co-incidence.

Got the insurance though. I think they felt sorry for me.

Moral of that tale is take 2 bananas out when you drive.

That story of events has made my evening. I could have not done better myself.

GENIUS!

Once again that is brilliant.

Roger you are great. I know you already know this, but i have to say it again.

Bishop wrote:Once again that is brilliant.

Roger you are great. I know you already know this, but i have to say it again.

I second that!

theres a million stories of Rog like that if you get tim pissed enough

rog is my hero

Timmy is a better read than Ralph Lawson even when he is talking about mobile phone ringtones.

http://skrufff.com/2011/11/ring-tone-etiquette-tim-sheridan/

Token Bird wrote:Timmy is a better read than Ralph Lawson even when he is talking about mobile phone ringtones.

[url=http://skrufff.com/2011/11/ring-tone-etiquette-tim-sheridan/

http://skrufff.com/2011/11/ring-tone-etiquette-tim-sheridan/[/quote[/url]]



Like it.

I've just re-read some of the old tales on this thread and it's made my day

I'm glad you've ressurected it, it's one of my favs.

oh blimey hell

Right.

If it's like that then...

Me and Zodiac from Gladiators.

I can do this all day and just look more and more and MORE of a wanker until critical mass is reached.

There'll still be more.

That's before me Mam gets the photos out.

It's like you've crammed the lives of 12 different people into your 20 odd years

Fandango Widewheels wrote:It's like you've crammed the lives of 12 different people into your 20 odd years

I wish it was 20 odd young man

Sherrers wrote:

Fandango Widewheels wrote:It's like you've crammed the lives of 12 different people into your 20 odd years

I wish it was 20 odd young man

I was being nice

This is great. Keep them coming.

i am not a performing Minky!

Get yours done you big skiver.

can I just say he keeps going on that I am really quiet in 'real life' but I do not have ANY shit like this in my closet my dear.

WHAAAT???

What is this shit?

Sherrers wrote:Right.

If it's like that then...

Burt Kwouk?

Barry McGuigan??

Linford Christie???

Zodiac

What...Where....why??