T.B's Vogue Ball

T.B wrote:You did alright smarty pants.

Now stand well back..


Handbags! Handbags at dawn! Handbag House! er saddle bags!

You are thinking "Oh yeah TB handbags are what GIRLZ put stuff in. We can't put our sausage fingers in them and you hit us with them when we are N.A.U.G.H.T.Y". Yes we do. But also they are DEAD IMPORTANT in a way that only a fully trained WOMAN can comprehend. Just because the nearest you lot have got are hanging udder your eyeballs doesn't mean you can't learn. A proper HANDBAG says "I am SO IMPORTANT you may want to have a small cry" or "FUCK OFF WORLD" and also "POCKETS??? are you out of your tiny mind?! LOOK AT ME FOOL!"

As usual we start at the bottom and work our way up. Like casing someone out. The 'orrid underbelly of the Handbag world starts with THE KNOCK OFFZ.
I'm taking as read that as a woman we don't even NEED to look at BAD HANDBAGZ. It's impossible to have a VAGINA and carry a bad bag.

Exhibit a.
This is a Gucci knock off. How do I know? I JUST DO ok. These are THE ROOLZ ;
1. Yes ROCK A KNOCK OFF by all means. We've all done it.
2. Don't expect to get away with it.
3. SISTAZ will not say a word.
4. To YOUR FACE that is.


Now I'll get straight to and say HAIRY HANDBAGZ are in. I SWEAR if ANY of you snigger I will be very displeased and I will use my SPECIAL BAG for you…

Exhibit a. (i)
The nutsack.


Yes ladies. You saw it here first and I am SOOO for real. I'm serious. THE COUSIN IT BAG. HOT

GET IT RIGHT for Gawd's sake. THIS is wrong :

Exhibit b.
Looks like a goat. Smells like a goat. Because it is made of goats.


Now some PROPER LADIES will be like this :



and to understand the disbelief we need to slow it down to 2 x muvverinlawz per second to hear the VERY LARGE question mark at the end ;



I knooooow. It's a shocker.

While you are like TOTALLY FREAKING OUT let's have a quick look at Marc Jacobs and his friend Lorenzo on their way to the beach.


Now I am a HUGE fan of his work. And LOUIS VUITTON?? well CORRECT GIRLZ. Naturally. Did you have to bring your stuff from ASDA though love? At least you got Lorenzo to be your donkey though. NO WAY is Marc toting that shit! Thing that worries your reporter is why not use one of your own bags you cheapskate!? Handy on the beach tho

(Lorenzo is like "fuck it! I'm Batman. I don't care anymore).

NOW.

As we come to a close we get TO THE POINT. Vuitton? WERQING!!
At. All. Times.

No. I tell a lie. Actually these are popular :
Exhibit c.
I mean… is it just me or will this not make you look totally like Bernie Clifton's dog Schnorbitz? I mean I had to stop taking mine out cos the urge to SLING IT ROUND A MINGERZ NECK and bark at her was TOO STRONG.


I leave you with this. It's a must have I'm afraid. Mine is on order. You may weep now.

tanit wrote:oh HAIL HAIL and thrice HAIL

wookie wrote:that bottom bag looks like dougal from the magic roundabout

T.B wrote:

wookie wrote:that bottom bag looks like dougal from the magic roundabout

it's 100% wookie

wookie wrote:

T.B wrote:

wookie wrote:that bottom bag looks like dougal from the magic roundabout

it's 100% wookie

my people wont stand for that, they may rip your arms out as punishment

Sherrers wrote:...and then handbags would be somewhat redundant?

Broadhead wrote:

Sherrers wrote:...and then handbags would be somewhat redundant?

Thats where the bum bag comes in.

Fandango Widewheels wrote:How did you know which magazine he was reading?

Fandango Widewheels wrote:How did you know which magazine he was reading?

Sherrers wrote:

Fandango Widewheels wrote:How did you know which magazine he was reading?

I have a feeling noogle may have been involved.

I don't even know who kim kardashiuan is

Broadhead wrote:

Fandango Widewheels wrote:How did you know which magazine he was reading?

He's a big Take a Break fan. But then who isn't?

Fandango Widewheels wrote:

Sherrers wrote:

Fandango Widewheels wrote:How did you know which magazine he was reading?

I have a feeling noogle may have been involved.

I don't even know who kim kardashiuan is

You do now!

Sherrers wrote:TB TB!

I read in a magazine that KIm Kardashian has "power buttocks".

Sherrers wrote:

Fandango Widewheels wrote:

Sherrers wrote:

Fandango Widewheels wrote:How did you know which magazine he was reading?

I have a feeling noogle may have been involved.

I don't even know who kim kardashiuan is

You do now!

no I still don't I just saw a caption in the pile of sunday mags that Chico gets.

Kim Kardashian
POWER BUTTOCKS