T.B's Vogue Ball

T.B wrote:Menswear

So we've seen the unnatural disaster that is T shirts but let us not forget that Menswear is also a large part of FASH. Seeing as how FASH is entirely run by gayboyz at some point the law of averages says they have to stop torturing LAS GURLZ and make some shit for themselves to wear innit.

Straight to the point. What the jiminy hell?!


"Hiya, this is my Lobster vest. I know. I'm VERY different."


There might be some MYTHBUSTING needed here. That Women have to bear all the pain and suffering. Of stupid heels, crazy gay fantasy-wear, endure humiliation and the slings and arrows of…


Taking the ruff with the slings and arrows….sorry.

Untrue. As you can see above.

I mean look at this poor poppet's face ;


"I want to the earth to take me now".

He's WERQING that body but the face is quiet despair. The poor lad's tackle is netted and he's not happy. In his village he was a prince. I can say that but you can't laugh.

On the other side of the coin check these happy chappies out ;


"Tee-Hee, we are getting paid a mint and all the sausage we can handle"

He's not happy cos he's been to Asda either. It might be because some genius has designed a velour spacesuit with built-in spoon and mirror I dunno. Looks handy for something. At least one vision of the future was fairly accurate. That everyone looks a proper pilchard and takes shitloads of gak? could be. At least they are in love.

Now you'd be forgiven for saying "Oh woe is us TB! Ffffash for BOYZ is grim indeed. We is now off to do some grinding of teeth and wailing." and I'd be like ; SHEET it sure looks like that Pilgrim but WHOA NELLY. It isn't all bad. Come on little one. Take my hand I will show some other shit which you'd think was bad but is in fact alright. Pick anything, dafter the better JUMPSUITS you said?? that's a MAD choice kid. I like it. Surely a Jumpsuit is FIRMLY in the realm of Trekkies and action peados? Hey what if I said to you hold your horses there MISTER PRESUMPTUOUS! and exhibit A please ;



WHAAA? I know? it's a jumpsuit but it WERQZ. Far out. Hey! while we are at it wrap your peeperz round THIS ;



What? too soon right? Ok. Maybe next season child. You've done good though.
ANYHOO .
You are starting to sweat? You feel uncomfortable?? I Knooow. I make it look easy but IT'S A MINEFIELD. I mean it's so easy to go "oh Yeah TB. Lobster vest. Ha Ha I'm awesome because I have eyes and can understand your brilliant instructions" but then you go "AH! ooh! JUMPSUIT! help me." Not so easy is it Pilgrim. Now the true DANGER here is the GREY AREAS. For me there is always pleasure in FASH at either extreme of the spectrum. High Fash or crazy SHIT I am well happy. Stick me in the middle though and you think you know pain?? You know NOTHING trooper ;



Everything about this hurts. Mock 'distress' on clothing AND model? check. Shit boring pack-a-mac daringly juxtaposed with HIDEOUS PANTALOONS?? oh check. Make up like bruises? 'Fraid so. Floating an inch off the catwalk? Blimey hell yes.
But it's stuff like that and also LIKE THIS :



…that drives me INSANE WITH WOMANLY RAGE. Quite apart from the fact that the red carpet is clearly ORANGE it just shouts at my soul like fingernails on a blackboard. WRRRRRRROOooooooonnnNNNNNGGGG. Like that. Do I have to mention a fanny pack? Must I point out the two tops gone to war and one isn't worth scoring over the other? The sheer NASTY PLASTIC of the shoe things. Just…. I need a rest…

WAIT

Can I just stop everything?

Pull back my mighty curtain of Oz and reveal the real me? Little old me… just a humble amazing glamourous-puss with nothing but shitloads of awesome and a great-a-big bagful of fuck-off?

The real me here is saying GOD HELP US ALL I WANT TO DIE.

And so is he inside ;




You know what is amazing about that one? NOTHING you say? no not exactly but points to you for being keen. No, what it is is that it amazingly takes the piss out of itself. With no help from me at all all. AND MY HELP AINT CHEAP I tell you.







Oh shit what now?






What a pair of cunts.

T.B wrote: At least one vision of the future was fairly accurate. That everyone looks a proper pilchard and takes shitloads of gak?