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    Embarrassing Moments

    Fandango Widewheels
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    Post  Fandango Widewheels on Thu Aug 12, 2010 3:10 am

    wookie wrote:i have no idea what a farmers is

    Me neither, but I can guess what it involves.
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    Post  wookie on Thu Aug 12, 2010 3:32 am

    MarkD77 wrote:
    wookie wrote:i have no idea what a farmers is

    Me neither, but I can guess what it involves.

    i can too

    but its something i've never heard before

    and its flummoxed me
    Fandango Widewheels
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    Post  Fandango Widewheels on Thu Aug 12, 2010 4:11 am

    C'mon Tim, put us out of our misery. What does it mean?
    RvZ
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    Post  RvZ on Thu Aug 12, 2010 5:46 am

    bang goes the discretion.

    i think the point was that the lurkers who may read this are relative to the scenario.

    Bishop
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    Post  Bishop on Thu Aug 12, 2010 7:49 pm

    Jesus lads, farmers are those cakes that drive tractors, in fields and sometimes on roads.

    Fucking hundreds of them in Blyth. I see them all the time. Rolling Eyes
    Fandango Widewheels
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    Post  Fandango Widewheels on Thu Aug 12, 2010 9:27 pm

    Bishop wrote:Jesus lads, farmers are those cakes that drive tractors, in fields and sometimes on roads.

    Fucking hundreds of them in Blyth. I see them all the time. Rolling Eyes

    Can you get me a dozen? Big weekend coming up Wink
    wookie
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    Post  wookie on Thu Aug 12, 2010 9:51 pm

    are you ploughing some fields?
    Fandango Widewheels
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    Post  Fandango Widewheels on Thu Aug 12, 2010 10:30 pm

    wookie wrote:are you ploughing some fields?

    Nope, digging up turnips!
    T.B
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    Post  T.B on Thu Aug 12, 2010 10:32 pm

    Laughing Laughing Laughing

    just when I think you northerns can't get any dafter you do.

    bigdaddy
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    Post  bigdaddy on Thu Aug 12, 2010 10:45 pm

    Bishop wrote:Jesus lads, farmers are those cakes that drive tractors, in fields and sometimes on roads.

    Fucking hundreds of them in Blyth. I see them all the time. Rolling Eyes

    And they're always running away, screaming "NOOOOOOO!" for some reason too.
    wookie
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    Post  wookie on Thu Aug 12, 2010 10:45 pm

    MarkD77 wrote:
    wookie wrote:are you ploughing some fields?

    Nope, digging up turnips!

    you need bish for that

    he's an expert at turnip extraction
    Fandango Widewheels
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    Post  Fandango Widewheels on Thu Aug 12, 2010 10:49 pm

    wookie wrote:
    MarkD77 wrote:
    wookie wrote:are you ploughing some fields?

    Nope, digging up turnips!

    you need bish for that

    he's an expert at turnip extraction

    I'll get him to bring a farmers with him and we'll make a night of it.
    Sherrers
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    Post  Sherrers on Thu Aug 12, 2010 10:56 pm

    bigdaddy wrote:
    Bishop wrote:Jesus lads, farmers are those cakes that drive tractors, in fields and sometimes on roads.

    Fucking hundreds of them in Blyth. I see them all the time. Rolling Eyes

    And they're always running away, screaming "NOOOOOOO!" for some reason too.

    Those are cows dear.

    If they are being 'chased' by men with dogs they are cows.

    He's from abroad you know.

    Wink
    wookie
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    Post  wookie on Thu Aug 12, 2010 11:08 pm

    MarkD77 wrote:
    wookie wrote:
    MarkD77 wrote:
    wookie wrote:are you ploughing some fields?

    Nope, digging up turnips!

    you need bish for that

    he's an expert at turnip extraction

    I'll get him to bring a farmers with him and we'll make a night of it.

    turnip night

    bish will be well chuffed
    Fandango Widewheels
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    Post  Fandango Widewheels on Thu Aug 12, 2010 11:24 pm

    wookie wrote:
    MarkD77 wrote:
    wookie wrote:
    MarkD77 wrote:
    wookie wrote:are you ploughing some fields?

    Nope, digging up turnips!

    you need bish for that

    he's an expert at turnip extraction

    I'll get him to bring a farmers with him and we'll make a night of it.

    turnip night

    bish will be well chuffed

    I would be surprised if Blyth doesn't host an annual turnip night. If they don't, they should!
    bigdaddy
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    Post  bigdaddy on Fri Aug 13, 2010 2:30 am

    Sherrers wrote:
    bigdaddy wrote:
    Bishop wrote:Jesus lads, farmers are those cakes that drive tractors, in fields and sometimes on roads.

    Fucking hundreds of them in Blyth. I see them all the time. Rolling Eyes

    And they're always running away, screaming "NOOOOOOO!" for some reason too.

    Those are cows dear.

    If they are being 'chased' by men with dogs they are cows.

    He's from abroad you know.

    Wink

    I'm not Canadian, you know! Cows only run away when they have to.
    T.B
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    Post  T.B on Fri Aug 13, 2010 5:34 am

    Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing
    Bishop
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    Post  Bishop on Fri Sep 17, 2010 11:38 pm

    Following on from Rentaghosts mundane fact.

    I went to the chiropractor a cople of weeks ago for my usual bone breaking appointment. I have a deformed disc which is pushing on my nerve and causing pain down my right arse cheek and leg.

    Now its usually just a tops off session with me just in tracksuit bottoms.

    So he gets me down on his workbench and starts bending me into all different shapes and sizes and 5 minutes in he declares that the muscle in my arse cheek is extremely tight and he needs to massage it to loosen it (so to speak). It would be better if I can get rid of the tracksuit bottoms.

    Alarm bells ring, (no you dirty bastards, not in that kind of way), shit, what boxers have I put on. I stand up and take a sneaky peak, yes, nice clean grey ones.

    So I jump back on the bench and he massages away, then he says lay on my back and pull my knees up to my chest. Which i do. At this point i realise that teh boxers I have on are not the biggest pair that i own and my poor old nether balls are in danger of falling out.

    With knees up to chest he then says, I am going to move your right leg out and stretch it as far as you can go. Holy fuck, my plums are defo gunna come out. But no they hold safe and we end the session.

    I hobble home, feeling slightly violated, nip upstairs for a shower, drop my strides and boxers and nausea hits me. My boxers are in fucking tatters. Three massive holes on my crotch. The poor chap must have had a full on view of my knackers and my sherrifs badge whilst my legs were in the air and parted.

    I cancelled my next appointment and havent been abck since. Oh the shame. Embarassed

    Rentaghost
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    Post  Rentaghost on Mon Sep 20, 2010 10:51 pm

    Laughing

    That's classic!
    Sherrers
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    Post  Sherrers on Wed Sep 22, 2010 7:58 pm

    Come on Bish. I bet he's seen some truly 'orrible crevices in his time...

    Just ignore it, lay back and think of the cheek massage man.

    Bishop
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    Post  Bishop on Wed Sep 22, 2010 10:36 pm

    Sherrers wrote:Come on Bish. I bet he's seen some truly 'orrible crevices in his time...

    Just ignore it, lay back and think of the cheek massage man.


    I should have been better prepared though Sheridan. He caught me by surprise and I paid the price. The unexpected exposure of a mucky ring is never a good thing. If I am bearing my knacks I want them sparkling. .
    Fandango Widewheels
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    Post  Fandango Widewheels on Thu Sep 23, 2010 12:15 am

    Bishop wrote:
    Sherrers wrote:Come on Bish. I bet he's seen some truly 'orrible crevices in his time...

    Just ignore it, lay back and think of the cheek massage man.


    I should have been better prepared though Sheridan. He caught me by surprise and I paid the price. The unexpected exposure of a mucky ring is never a good thing. If I am bearing my knacks I want them sparkling. .

    They should be sparkling due to your unplanned hair removal.
    Sherrers
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    Post  Sherrers on Tue Dec 06, 2011 6:35 pm

    I went on a walk in the woods in Ibiza and I heard some people approaching and went to vault a wall as I was feeling quite spry.

    It was a dry stone wall and immediately crumbled under my nimble hippo impression.

    My vaulting arm sank into the wall, arm got shredded. Made a slight recovery in getting over it alive and immediately slipped in one of those proper head over heels jobs that had my whole not inconsiderable weight on my arsebone.

    The judder chipped a tooth and gave me a headache.

    There was a good 6 ramblers stood there just gawping at the the free idiot.

    I had no comeback as I wasn't sure what nationality they were.

    A tit is a tit in any language though.
    T.B
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    Post  T.B on Tue Dec 06, 2011 9:22 pm

    another 'nasty fall' grandad?


    Laughing Laughing Laughing
    wookie
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    Post  wookie on Tue Dec 06, 2011 9:27 pm

    while walking to the train station this morning

    i slipped on some ice, did the splits, smashed my right knee into the pavement grabbed the fence next to me to stop me from tearing myself in two and managed to hurt my shoulder as well
    Sherrers
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    Post  Sherrers on Fri Jan 06, 2012 4:28 am

    I got some new thermals today.

    I thought I'd go for matt black ones just for the james bond of it.

    I was out with my Mam in Skipton though.

    When I came out the dressing room she went ;

    "oooh no love, you look like a fat burglar"

    I said "you mean cat burglar Mam"

    and I heard a woman go "no she were right first time"

    AND

    ..then a kid went "FAT SPIDERMAN!"


    I'm not that fat but my Mam insisted thermals should 'not be baggy like an old man's jammies'.

    Suffice to say I didn't go for the skin tight leotard in public option.

    It was all very terrible but made worse by the realisation I was out with me Mam shopping for thermals at 46 years old.

    Fandango Widewheels
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    Post  Fandango Widewheels on Fri Jan 06, 2012 4:46 am

    That story amuses me on so many levels.
    Son of Nod
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    Post  Son of Nod on Fri Jan 06, 2012 7:59 pm

    Sherrers wrote:I got some new thermals today.

    I thought I'd go for matt black ones just for the james bond of it.

    I was out with my Mam in Skipton though.

    When I came out the dressing room she went ;

    "oooh no love, you look like a fat burglar"

    I said "you mean cat burglar Mam"

    and I heard a woman go "no she were right first time"

    AND

    ..then a kid went "FAT SPIDERMAN!"


    I'm not that fat but my Mam insisted thermals should 'not be baggy like an old man's jammies'.

    Suffice to say I didn't go for the skin tight leotard in public option.

    It was all very terrible but made worse by the realisation I was out with me Mam shopping for thermals at 46 years old.


    BRILLIANT!!!!
    Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing
    Sherrers
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    Post  Sherrers on Sun Jan 08, 2012 8:46 pm

    I forgot to mention.

    When the kid went "FAT SPIDERMAN" I muttered automatically "he's obviously referring to Venom" to no-one in particular. Which made the whole sorry tale pathetic to the power of 5 for the year's worst comeback.
    Fandango Widewheels
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    Post  Fandango Widewheels on Mon Jan 09, 2012 12:27 am

    Sherrers wrote:I forgot to mention.

    When the kid went "FAT SPIDERMAN" I muttered automatically "he's obviously referring to Venom" to no-one in particular. Which made the whole sorry tale pathetic to the power of 5 for the year's worst comeback.

    The CMD pointed this out when I was relaying your tale to her and the mini CMD yesterday. She was confused (mini) as to why someone would think of spiderman when they saw you in black leggings.

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