So its that time of week again you impatient old farts.
Running has been no existent this week. I am angry and upset with myself. I did however manage 2 hours on the wooden horse and played 2 games on Sunday, which salvaged at least some of my lost fitness.
Friday saw a party for Adam held at the Red hart. It was well attended and ended in the usual drunken mayhem.
Adam
I will introduce a few characters here, this is Wilson and Myself behind the bar. I had commandeered Emma’s crutches by this point and several people, some of whom I didn’t know, were on the receiving end of a good whack on the head.
Wilson lives in Nottingham, has 4 kids, is married and loves humping Mad Eye whenever he gets chance. He also loves playing golf from his front lawn late at night, whilst drinking brandy. We usually aim for the 30 sign down the road but have never hit it.
Emma is married to Jono. They live in Styrrup and used to own the White Swan until it closed down. She currently has a broken foot, from falling off a bike stand at college. She studies Art and is very good. She has droopy boobs.
I don’t remember getting home, I don’t think.
Saturday saw Karly Coldturd host her first BBQ. She normally just attends other peoples. Karly is the local stalker. I have had to call the police about her on many occasions when I have found her in my garden. Karly has 4 Schnoozers and likes grooming.
Mr Coldturd (her dad) borrowed my gazebo for the event and purchased a new BBQ.
The attendees for the BBQ were in no particular order. Mylelf, Gem, Raggy, Dinger, Metfuck, Mad Eye, Bettlejuice, Izzy, Baby Evie, John from Next door, Sarah, Sarahs mum, and Pork Chop.
Pork Chop had been out drinking for most of the day and was in abit of a pickle. He cant drink and I am still lost as to why he thinks he can. Claire his other half did not attend as she was too pissed and decided not to make a tit of herself and turn up, unlike Porky.
We ate, we drank and we were merry, Metfuck fell over and Raggy couldn’t speak.
Metfuck took Raggy home and put him to bed,
after he made him do rude things
Raggy was a sex past with Frankie who wasn’t at the BBQ but had been out the night before.
Raggy lives with Dinger and they are like husband and brother. See previous Eastern European picture. They are due to have a boxing match shortly in the Red Hart car park.
Mad Eye has now gone on holiday on her own, as she needed some rest from working. She left Betteljuice and the kids at home.
Pete next door has put his house up for rent.
The automatic door at the shop is causing confusion in the village. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt.
Olive oil has been sacked from the Swan as has the Eastern European chap (no relation to Rag or Dinger)
Robopimp continues to update facebook about how he has cleaned his Trombone and is now watching WWF or WWE and wonders why he is still single at 32.
Flanny drank 2 pints on Monday and was drunk.
Tom is back in the village this weekend as his mum and dad who have been away for 6 weeks.