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    The Elephant of Surprise

    Sherrers
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    Post  Sherrers Tue Aug 02, 2011 3:52 am

    I was once really startled by an albino peacock that lunged at me out of a shrubbery.

    "Aio". It said.

    "Fuck off!" was my reply.

    No the 'eyes' in it's tail were not pink.

    Fact.
    T.B
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    Post  T.B Tue Aug 02, 2011 11:21 pm

    I once woke up with a strange dog sitting on me. A real dog not an ugly bloke. It doesn't sound like a lot but it scares me just thinking about it
    Son of Nod
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    Post  Son of Nod Tue Aug 02, 2011 11:23 pm

    Shocked
    scarlet pimpernel
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    Post  scarlet pimpernel Tue Aug 02, 2011 11:25 pm

    a mate once droped an angle grinder on my head, was a bit of a shocka

    not blade 1st lucdkily
    Mac
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    Post  Mac Tue Aug 02, 2011 11:43 pm

    ah right. elephant. just got it. i'm not a funny person i dont know how well i will get on here
    bigdaddy
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    Post  bigdaddy Wed Aug 03, 2011 5:24 am

    Token Bird wrote:I once woke up with a strange dog sitting on me. A real dog not an ugly bloke. It doesn't sound like a lot but it scares me just thinking about it

    I had the same thing on Sunday morning, except it was a cute bunny rabbit.

    No, that's not a euphenism. My mate I was staying with in Den Boch has rabbits. Wish he'd warned me. Dead behind the eyes, they are, and the bouncing from upstairs is a bit disconcerting as well.
    T.B
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    Post  T.B Tue Sep 13, 2011 1:38 am

    I woke up today and it was sunny in London.

    Nearly all day! shocka.
    Sherrers
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    Post  Sherrers Fri Sep 30, 2011 5:15 am

    A baliff came round today.

    Imagine his surprise when he met my dog and legal vocabulary. Not the dog's, he only speaks spanish. But I had appointed him my brief for the day.

    He was further alarmed to discover I'd already clamped my own car and had it blocked in by neighbours.

    He actually shook his fist like in a cartoon upon departure... which surprised and amused me.

    crang
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    Post  crang Fri Sep 30, 2011 7:05 am

    Sherrers wrote:A baliff came round today.

    Imagine his surprise when he met my dog and legal vocabulary. Not the dog's, he only speaks spanish. But I had appointed him my brief for the day.

    He was further alarmed to discover I'd already clamped my own car and had it blocked in by neighbours.

    He actually shook his fist like in a cartoon upon departure... which surprised and amused me.




    Be as beneficent as the sun or the sea, but if your rights as a rational being are trenched on, die on the first inch of your territory. 
    Fandango Widewheels
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    Post  Fandango Widewheels Fri Sep 30, 2011 6:38 pm

    Sherrers wrote:A baliff came round today.

    Imagine his surprise when he met my dog and legal vocabulary. Not the dog's, he only speaks spanish. But I had appointed him my brief for the day.

    He was further alarmed to discover I'd already clamped my own car and had it blocked in by neighbours.

    He actually shook his fist like in a cartoon upon departure... which surprised and amused me.


    Now why wasn't that captured bya reality film crew?
    Sherrers
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    Post  Sherrers Wed Oct 05, 2011 2:20 am

    On the advice of my four legged legal representative we didn't want the media to influence the case.

    I did film it.

    My endgame is to go to court and call Barak Obama as a witness and ask the court if the U.S government's offical legal position (being the ONLY nation in the world based in London owing several millions in unpaid CONgestion charge) of basically "we disagree with it and you can fuck off before we pay" sets any kind of precedent?

    ...and if so I'd like to use that precedent as my proxy defense and bow to whatever the outcome of that ruling is... while my defense team and I go for walkies and possibly chase Ringo.

    Next case!
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    Post  Fandango Widewheels Wed Oct 05, 2011 2:25 am

    What's the protocol for setting up your own country these days? You could then quite happily quote precedent. One country is much the same as the next, right?
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    Post  T.B Wed Oct 05, 2011 7:41 pm

    Timmy's a state-less dictator

    does the forum and his imaginary friends count as a country?

    I'd be minister for kicking nutsacks obviously
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    Post  Fandango Widewheels Wed Oct 05, 2011 8:34 pm

    I did a google search for 'how to establish a state' and here it is:

    www.nationstates.net/

    Unfortunately it's only a game, but once you get the general gist you can just apply it to real life.
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    Post  Son of Nod Wed Oct 05, 2011 9:02 pm

    Fandango Widewheels wrote:I did a google search for 'how to establish a state' and here it is:

    www.nationstates.net/

    Unfortunately it's only a game, but once you get the general gist you can just apply it to real life.

    Get a flag.....
    Sherrers
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    Post  Sherrers Fri Oct 07, 2011 1:49 am

    We did this at school.

    Basically you are Roger with a tea towel of "the republic of yorkshire" unless you have an army and an economy.

    Basically I am a skint one-man-awkward squad with an imaginary government that rules nonexistent people.

    So I'm either going to finish my war with Faith and siphon off their natural resources or you all start paying taxes.

    I think we are still at the Robber-Baron stage.

    If this forum was a country it would be a very quiet and unfertile area of bogland in the dark ages.

    We've got a witch I MEAN WISE WOMAN and a serf. Some idiots but no village. And WE DON"T TAKE KOINDLEE TO STRRRRRANGERS OITHER...


    It's a start!
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    Post  Fandango Widewheels Fri Oct 07, 2011 1:51 am

    Sherrers wrote:We did this at school.

    Basically you are Roger with a tea towel of "the republic of yorkshire" unless you have an army and an economy.

    Basically I am a skint one-man-awkward squad with an imaginary government that rules nonexistent people.

    So I'm either going to finish my war with Faith and siphon off their natural resources or you all start paying taxes.

    I think we are still at the Robber-Baron stage.

    If this forum was a country it would be a very quiet and unfertile area of bogland in the dark ages.

    We've got a witch I MEAN WISE WOMAN and a serf. Some idiots but no village. And WE DON"T TAKE KOINDLEE TO STRRRRRANGERS OITHER...


    It's a start!

    We have a Lord, surely that's a start?

    If this forum was a country I see it as more of an African dictatorship with lots of mad people running round in brightly coloured clothes.
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    Post  Sherrers Fri Oct 07, 2011 2:07 am

    I'd have armed the children, had a very elaborate 'uniform' made for me that made me look like a cross between a regency admiral and a burlesque theatre and promptly sold everything to Mark Thatcher and Dick "Dick" Cheney and legged it to Saudi Arabia by 1986 if your analogy is the model crazy white man.
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    Post  Sherrers Fri Oct 14, 2011 4:09 am

    I just got woken up from a very pleasant ahem 'siesta' (it'll happen to you in a few years) by some one leaning on their horn right outside.

    They'd been blocked in.

    The blower was not from round here.

    The blowee is a large local gentleman however it's his equally large lady currently fighting with the blower's missus.

    The animal aggression of women is always surprising.
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    Post  Bishop Sat Oct 15, 2011 2:40 am

    Sherrers wrote:I just got woken up from a very pleasant ahem 'siesta' (it'll happen to you in a few years) by some one leaning on their horn right outside.

    They'd been blocked in.

    The blower was not from round here.

    The blowee is a large local gentleman however it's his equally large lady currently fighting with the blower's missus.

    The animal aggression of women is always surprising.



    Hahahahaha. Cracked me up did that. Laughing
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    Post  Sherrers Tue Oct 25, 2011 5:00 am

    I was a bit shocked to learn I'd woken up at 6.30

    PM.

    I thought it was AM as usual.


    I did the usual ringing people up and switching on radio cos I didn't believe it etc

    The darkness is what threw me
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    Post  Ye Olde Rog Tue Oct 25, 2011 11:00 pm

    You lazy fat workshy bastard!
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    Post  T.B Tue Oct 25, 2011 11:03 pm

    Hey listen! put that attitude away grandad you are a bit full of yourself today
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    Post  Ye Olde Rog Sat Oct 29, 2011 4:41 am

    my next door neighbour was a bit taken aback when I borrowed his nailgun off him and then promptly killed his cat with it.
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    Post  jim_kezzle Sat Oct 29, 2011 4:48 am

    Ye Olde Rog wrote:my next door neighbour was a bit taken aback when I borrowed his nailgun off him and then promptly killed his cat with it.

    although I don't condone cruelty to animals, it would be amazingly funny if this is true!
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    Post  Sherrers Sat Oct 29, 2011 7:43 am

    I didn't believe it but apparently it was only wounded
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    Post  Fandango Widewheels Mon Oct 31, 2011 7:46 pm

    Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

    Classic Rog, that's raised a laugh on a cold Monday morning.
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    Post  Sherrers Mon Oct 31, 2011 9:37 pm

    I did explain they were pretty deadly things. He wasn't having it.
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    Post  Fandango Widewheels Mon Oct 31, 2011 10:18 pm

    Sherrers wrote:I did explain they were pretty deadly things. He wasn't having it.

    Isn't that a bit like having a big red button with a sign above saying 'Don't press the red button' in massive flashing letters?

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