Timbo's Terrible Tales

[quote="Bishop"]

Token Bird wrote:haha! I must come to one of these!

very good.


love the panto horse story. Fabric is not known for it's humour but now I will look at it in a different light.


Tim didn't you tell me once they banned you for having a good time?[/quote]

I should say I consider the staff at Fabric good mates and scotch the rumours right now that they are anything but lovely people. I don't work there so I am not being diplomatic they are a great bunch. It's Fabric as a whole that is (and quite rightly in some ways) a bit humour - free. To be frank most of the industry is the same. And most of London


I wasn't banned. I was told off for having a good time though.

I was larking about and Keith the owner came up while I was playing and was saying something to me and the monitors were next to us so I thought he said

"could you turn it down a bit tim?"

so I turned the monitors down and was like "hey you made the system so massive mate! sorry if it's too loud'

but he went

"No. I said could you tone it down a bit"

so I asked him what he meant, I thought he was talking about EQs but he said ;

"you know... all the larking about and waving your arms and stuff"

so I went ;

'Keith, mate... are you telling me to stop enjoying myself?'

and (although to his credit by now he looked well embarrassed) he replied :

"well... it is Fabric"

and i roared with laughter and after I had finished I followed him round going "well it IS Fabric" and took the piss for weeks after....






never played there again after that funnily enough.

I know NOTHING about clubs but even I find it dull as dishwater in there.

Al wrote:

I know NOTHING about clubs but even I find it dull as dishwater in there.

nah it's like anywhere mate. I was there a month or so ago and it was rocking. I stopped going to DC10 in the end cos I found it really dull but it was about me not the club .

when you are tired of DC10 you are tired of LIFE sir!

good answer. direct.

Sherrers wrote:

Al wrote:

I know NOTHING about clubs but even I find it dull as dishwater in there.

nah it's like anywhere mate. I was there a month or so ago and it was rocking. I stopped going to DC10 in the end cos I found it really dull but it was about me not the club .

That Flu is getting to you isn't it?

The lost weekend.

Friday wrote Mr Kipling, woke briskly from a dream at 6am sharp full of vim, vigour and a strange creamy substance I may incorporate into a new finger I am toying with.
Made my way to Historic Chester to pick up my old chum J.R Hartley.
We made a heroic mess of a pub and made a swift exit on my chariot.
Woke up wednesday.
The End.


That's how it seems in my head.


The evidence indicates otherwise.

On the M62 the computer on my car started going weird (for the first time ever). It was also the first time I had enough gear in it to stun a JCB. Not including the power of Carter's blood. So I couldn't pull over anywhere in case we got 'assisted' into jail. I'm very if not over familiar with my car so I was very confused. Unless it had developed an on board breath-o-lizer all by itself the warning light was a mystery. If a little robot voice had gone "meep meep, this vehicle can only legally carry one nitwit at a time" I would have not been surprised.

So we limped past our planned destination of MYhouse to say happy birthday to Buckley and went straight back to mine. We were so pleased to be alive we immediately commenced a Base Amphetamine and Valium endurance rally.

His Lordship popped by to adjudicate. He'd left before we realised he was there.


Carter fell asleep at around 2pm saturday thus ensuring my victory. However it did give me pause to come up with a cunning ruse. More of which later.

We shambled over to the Grand opening of Nationofshopkeepers which was great. At least 500 people passed through at some point although if you counted haircuts you could double that amount. I even saw one girl with 3 different haircuts on one head.

Wookie and Shady were heroic in their commitment to the board. The rest of you are fired.

Then I took Carter to Kerbcrawler for his gig, as I was interested to see what it would be like with people in it. There weren't any.

Then with all work duties fullfilled we really got on it and went out.

By 8pm Sunday it was clear not only had I won the 'Phet/Valium contest but was on path for a record. Victory was decisive.


My prize was a lovely Coma for one and a cash prize of Minus £200


Carter got the Train of Shame, some very rare Northern sunburn and a consolation fly on a string.

Oh yes. the cunning ruse was that when Carter fell asleep... rather than the traditional method of painting him or shaving something off.... I shaved my own beard and tache off.

This was at approximately 1pm Saturday.



He didn't notice for over 24 hours.



He did enact a revenge of sorts even though probably accidental. During the hour or so I was in bathroom shaving he wrecked the kitchen which I didn't notice til I got back on Monday.

My favourite bit was the caddy that says TEA on it in big letters was half full of water and about 20 teabags. He'd clearly either thought it was the quickest and most powerful way to make tea.... or maybe he thought he'd turned into a giant and the caddy was a normal sized mug with no handle and full of teeny tiny teabags. OBviously the word TEA was the key. It makes a certain stupid sense really.

Hahahaha. Excellent. Sounds like a good one was had by all.

Poor old Rog.

Apart from the coma and minus £200.00 did you not get some form of trophey for being so triumphant?

Bishop wrote:Hahahaha. Excellent. Sounds like a good one was had by all.

Poor old Rog.

Apart from the coma and minus £200.00 did you not get some form of trophey for being so triumphant?

a bronze effect statuette of an idiot




poor old Rog? he got off lightly.

Sherrers wrote:

Bishop wrote:Hahahaha. Excellent. Sounds like a good one was had by all.

Poor old Rog.

Apart from the coma and minus £200.00 did you not get some form of trophey for being so triumphant?

a bronze effect statuette of an idiot




poor old Rog? he got off lightly.

hahaha. yeah i suppose he did really. Have you heard from carter yet or is he still off the radar at the moment?

Glad to hear the bar opening went well. will defo give that a bash.

my money is not hearing from Carter til next week.

he's probably still trying to find a pet fly

Tim you should write a book.

Roger can I tell them about your cunt-shunt?

PLEASE!

Yes please.

We havent had a tale in ages.

and his teeny tiny armada has a new development.

i can't find the pics!!

Sherrers wrote:and his teeny tiny armada has a new development.

i can't find the pics!!

Dont say some fucker has been in with a sub and sunk it?

Bishop wrote:

Sherrers wrote:and his teeny tiny armada has a new development.

i can't find the pics!!

Dont say some fucker has been in with a sub and sunk it?

A really small sub...?

or it may be his plague of frog that has sunk the armada?

haha! bingo!


Colin the plague of frog came back and sunk "ajax"

His Lordship said

"that's the only time the fucking frogs have and will ever manage it... remember Trafalgar"


He got quite huff and puffed up about it. About a little frog sitting on his tiny ship in his silly pond.

Sherrers wrote:haha! bingo!


Colin the plague of frog came back and sunk "ajax"

His Lordship said

"that's the only time the fucking frogs have and will ever manage it... remember Trafalgar"


He got quite huff and puffed up about it. About a little frog sitting on his tiny ship in his silly pond.

Hahahahahahaha. Every fucker in the office is looking at me gone out laughing at my computer screen (well in fact for laughing in general). That is brilliant

Ah! the French Admiral.


Bastards.

you may tell them about my car crash as long as I am the handsome hero of the tale...

Your always the hero in our eyes Admiral Roger. ( not sure about handsome).

Bishop wrote:Your always the hero in our eyes Admiral Roger. ( not sure about handsome).

roger the rear admiral....



....sorry....my fingers kept typing knowing it was wrong.....

aka Horatio Hornblower

Well James Bond